So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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