Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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