I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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