soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
