I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
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