Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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