You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize