we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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