You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
