My Higher Power is John Stamos
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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