The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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