we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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