Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
