took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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