she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
