I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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