You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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