so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
