I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
