Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
