sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
