4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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