Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
