My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just googled if crying burns calories
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
