Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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