where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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