I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
