I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
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there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
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The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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