you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So much rum. So many feels.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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