I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
