Well douche your snatch and let's go!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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