My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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