I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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