I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
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I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
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I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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