she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize