last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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