Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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