i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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