We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
