I've blown a few things in my day
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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