if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
