I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
whose parrot is this?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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