He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
