when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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