i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
