I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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