Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
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Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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