I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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