they need to just BURY HIM!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
