Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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