this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
