if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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