I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
