it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
