ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
