i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
is it fun? or sober?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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