first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
