I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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