Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
