if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
