Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i black out too much to be "responsible"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
