Moan for me like Helen Keller
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
