I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
