I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
