420 ftw
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
