Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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