Umm I'm too high to move.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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