Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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