I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
last night I used snow as a chaser
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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