I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize