the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Randomize
