I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
